Here’s how to be sure! You’ve been happy with your partner for a while but suddenly, bang! Something is beginning to go astray! The fearful, chilly feeling has started manifesting. It’s the last thing you want to believe but you’ve started suspecting he or she is having an affair. He or she is cheating on you.
One or more of the emotional signs below will help you confirm your guy’s true love status in your relationship.
- The usual suspects: lipstick on his collar or clothes, unexpected marks indicative of sexual activity on his body, another woman’s scent on his clothes or hair especially if this happens more than once.
- All of a sudden, his working days are longer; maybe, he even has to travel. So he’s away from you overnight for a couple of days at a time, or even longer. When this is coupled with some of the other signs, these are clear pointers that he probably is playing away. The same holds true of sudden, increased lifestyle expenses (drinks, meals, hotels) that don’t include you.
- He’s not present. Even when he’s physically present, he’s off in his own world. He’s not really there with you.
- He takes a lot more trouble over his appearance, whether that means dressing better, a sudden heavy use of aftershave, or an infatuation with the gym and lifting weights. Showering before coming to bed, which sometimes signifies guilt or a desire to avoid detection of the scent of a lover, is another clue. He may also be cleaning his car to remove any signs of another woman.
- A new enthusiasm for a colleague at work, a newly single female, or even a friend of yours. Suddenly, he’s talking about her a lot and only too willing to help her out. In fact, he’s almost over-helpful!
- He stops noticing you. You could probably wear a bag over your head and he wouldn’t notice. Even when he ‘makes an effort’ to be with you, he doesn’t really notice you.
- Hints and warnings from colleagues, friends and families. Chances are they have your best interests at heart, and they know something you don’t.
- Your intuition is screaming at you that he’s having an affair! You may not be able to substantiate what your intuition is saying, but that doesn’t stop it from being true. Your intuition doesn’t have an agenda. It doesn’t want you to hold onto this man at all costs. It just tells you the truth that it picks up from a thousand subtle clues.
- Showing you his text messages and e-mail accounts. An accomplished cheat will have a mobile that you’ll never even see which he uses for his other woman/women. The same goes for e-mail accounts. As regards social media, unless he is an idiot, or wants you to find out, you surely won’t find any traces of cheating on his social media.
- Maybe the opposite is true and they are constantly picking fault with you or accusing you of cheating. When attraction fades in a relationship and there’s something going on the side, it’s easy to get irritable. The added burden of deceit doesn’t help. Plus, once someone has successfully cheated undetected, they start to think if they could do it, why can’t you?
- Your mate’s behaviour is causing a gut feeling in you that something isn’t right. If this happens, pay attention to your instincts. Ignoring them means you want to blind yourself to the truth. You know your mate’s habits, routines and attitudes better than anybody, so be suspicious when these things change.
- Your mate frequently picks fights with you. Doing this gives him reason to get mad and storm out of the house and thus the opportunity to meet a lover. A cheater may also do this because of mixed emotions he is feeling about betraying you.
- Your mate constantly talks about your relationship ending when you fight or argue. She says things like, “What would you do if our relationship ended?” or “If anything ever happened to us, I would always love you like a friend.” In general, she seems very negative about your relationship. Your mate makes these statements because she has a lover to fall back on if your relationship ends. If your partner repeats these kinds of statements often, be suspicious.
- Your mate becomes very moody. He or she seems very upbeat and excited when leaving you but acts sombre and depressed when around you. If your mate is in a long-term affair, he/she will try to keep both relationships running smoothly. Any problems the cheater has in one relationship will spill over into the other relationship as well. This is inevitable.
- Your mate never talks to you. You live together but don’t interact. He has become cold and inconsiderate of your feelings.
- Your mate’s taste in music suddenly changes. For instance, she always listened to pop music but suddenly starts listening to country music. Your partner might be listening to and growing fond of this new type of music because her lover listens to it.
- Your mate continually criticizes another person. She is trying to make you think that that type of individual would never be of interest to her, although there actually exists a secret attraction.
- Your mate criticizes things about you that he or she once found attractive and appealing.
- Your mate easily becomes offended at the comments, however harmless, that you make.
- Your mate stops paying attention to you, your children and home-life in general.
- Your mate begins closing doors when you are around, when before, he or she would leave them open. For instance, the bathroom-door rule: Couples in long-term relationships often leave their bathroom doors open while attending to necessities even if their partners are nearby. As affairs develop, the cheating mates will close bathroom doors, distancing themselves physically and psychologically from their partners.
- Your mate stops complimenting you on your looks.
- Your mate stops saying, “I love you.”
- Your mate turns the table and accuses you of cheating but has no evidence.
- Your mate would rather spend time with friends than be with you.
- Your mate shows no interest in your relationship’s future.
- Your mate stops being affectionate.
- Your mate is more interested in reading a book or watching television than talking with you or making love to you.
- Your mate frequently talks about the problems a friend, neighbour, co-worker, course instructor or classmate of the opposite sex is having.
- Your mate begins using new catch phrases or starts to tell types of jokes or express opinions that are unusual for him or her.
- Your mate pays less and less attention to your children. They seem to sense something is wrong and don’t seem to be as emotionally healthy or secure as they once were.
- Your mate has been acting emotionally distant and withdrawn but when you ask about it, he doesn’t want to discuss it and becomes very protective of his privacy.
- Your mate seems disinterested and distracted during sex.
- Your mate talks in her sleep and mentions the name of a particular person on more than one occasion.
- Your mate seems startled or confused when awakened. This uncertainty may be caused by not being sure which bedroom and which lover’s bed he or she is in.
- Your mate’s behaviour is such that your friends begin asking you what’s wrong. Close friends and family members often will notice tension or discord between the two of you before you are fully aware of it.
- Your mate easily becomes offended when you make normal and natural inquiries and may demand to know why you are checking up on him or her.
- Your mate’s sleeping pattern changes considerably from the norm and may include unexplainable exhaustion, restlessness, frequent nightmares and sleep-talking.
Men are explorers
A lot of men who are in serious relationships usually end up cheating after a couple of years. The reason is simple: men stuck in long-term relationships feel they are missing out on something. Most of the time, these men cheat because they are frustrated and need to get it out of their systems.
Men also like to explore and try new things. The benefit in this case is that once men do cheat, they realize that it is nothing special and probably won’t do it again. This prevents them from being unfaithful later on when the stakes are higher (like when they have a family).
Home sweet home
When people are in a relationship for a long time, they can’t help but start taking their significant other for granted. Sometimes, they forget just how great the woman they have really is. Men forget how wonderful it feels to have someone who loves them unconditionally. Cheating usually involves lustful feelings of physical attraction; nothing long-term.
The result is that once men are unfaithful, they will lie in bed and think relentlessly about their unsuspecting partner. Why? Because the lust factor has worn away and the reality didn’t measure up to the fantasy. Instead, they remember the good reality; the woman who loves them and makes love to them. The old saying “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” says it all.
Lessons from Cheating:
So, what did you learn from my point of view? That cheating is disrespectful towards the person you’ve cheated on, but at the very least, it has two beneficial aspects to it. First, that you’ll realize your mistake and appreciate your lover a lot more after the horrible deed.
The second is that cheating can help you realize your misery within your current relationship, and will likely give you that necessary shove to move on and stop wasting both your lover’s and your own time.