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WHY YOUR SPOUSE CHEATS ON YOU: PART II

WHY YOUR SPOUSE CHEATS ON YOU: PART II

By Fidelia Asogwa

Some married women sometimes are confused on what their husbands want.  Here are some tips on what to do to make your man happy at home.

  • Men are visual beings: What this means is that men are easily carried away by what their eyes see unlike women that are carried away by what they hear.  Try and look your best.  Don’t let yourself go all because you are now a mum.  Try and shed those excess fat and look stunning for him.  Even as you try to be descent, still look attractive so he will be proud of you.
  • Sex: Large number of men love sex and so you must present yourself passionately for your husband for that.  Don’t pretend to be sick or tired all the time to escape your marital responsibility.  In fact, it is best when you make your husband to be sexually addicted to you.  That way, you keep him hungry of you no matter where he is.  Once a wife fails on this assignment, the man strays away.
  • Support:  Every man wants a supportive wife.  Don’t be lazy.  No matter how little, contribute your own quota.  Listen to him and encourage him, so he would not look for someone else to confide in except you.   Make him know you are proud of him in order to protect his ego.   Don’t let someone else do it for him outside. Remember, most men are egocentric in nature.  So, protect it.
  • Love: Men don’t believe in words but action. Show your husband you love him by your actions. Don’t forget to  always give him passionate kiss  and make him loved and needed
  • Food: They want a nice homemade meal.  If you are not good at it, you can learn how to cook tasty meals just to keep your man at home. Whatever worthwhile sacrifice that would make you keep your husband, do it so your name will not be sorry at last.
  • From the last edition where this discussion started, I have stated some of the things that some women do that can push their husbands into indulging in infidelity.  But this is not only a woman’s issue as the sole cause of marital infidelity.  Some men also push their wives to the wall that make them indulge in infidelity.  Though a woman may not come out openly to indulge in infidelity, but there are attitudes she can display that can make her husband know she is cheating on him.

How to find out if your wife is cheating on you

  • She is always suspicious: Women behave in a suspicious manner if they are into something that they would not want to be caught.  Even when you are not suspecting them, they showcase it through their behaviour.
  • A cheating wife sometimes answers to a call even when you did not call her, assuming you the husband is in the house with her.  She can also suspect you are watching her back and so employ every strategy to explain her way out, that if she still has regards for you.  When your wife starts behaving in a suspicious way than she was before, she might have something hidden.
  • Too clingy to her phone:  You would notice that most women especially married ones are not too clingy with their mobile phones. If your wife suddenly becomes too clingy with her phone that she does not allow anybody touch or hear her answering call, she might be up to something.  If she has been placing her phone anywhere in the house before and she suddenly becomes too careful over it, she might be hiding something.  Remember, she might either be involved in emotional infidelity or sexual infidelity.  But whichever one she is into, if you the   husband is a very careful type, you would detect it through her behaviour. Just like the cheating men who hide when receiving or making calls to whom they are cheating with, the cheating wives also do that.
  • She tends to dress sexier:  It is good when a wife tries to dress beautiful for her husband but when she now dresses to compete with under eighteen, she might be struggling to keep something other than her husband. But if her   husband agrees to such kind of dressing, she might still be faithful even when her dress says the exact opposite.  If your wife sudden starts dressing sexier than you actually approved of her, she is trying to make another statement.  If she is just only trying to improve in her dressing in order to please you, then she could be innocent of this particular sign of infidelity.  If you the husband complains about her latest dressing attitudes and she does not have anything reasonable to say, well you have to use your tongue to count your teeth.  But you should be careful not to jump into conclusion until you have evidence or proof that she is cheating on you.
  • She does not speak her mind anymore:  Your wife, who once used to share every tiny detail of her day with you, suddenly becomes cool and nonchalant, keeping all to herself.   If this starts happening between you and your wife, she might have started sharing her mind with someone else. In this case, she may be emotionally cheating on you with another person. Remember, emotional infidelity mostly start unknowingly, and almost always turn sexual in the long run.   So, if you really want to stop your wife from succumbing   to temptation, keep an eye out for emotional affair signs as well.  She will most time tell you that he is “just a friend.” But if you are a smart man, you know that the term “just friends” rarely means just that only if it is otherwise stated.

What to do if you find out your wife is cheating on you

If your partner is cheating, there is a possibility that you have contributed to such action in one way or the other.  Though some people are insatiable, that is, however you try to please them, they would still cheat.  But most times, one’s spouse may be the cause of such attitude.  This is because rarely does a married woman indulge in infidelity purely out of the fun of doing it.   Studies have proved that  majority of  women who go outside the marriage  are either being abused by their partners, or are not satisfied in the relationship and have serious relationship issues.  This could either be sexual satisfaction or emotional satisfaction or both.

Do the following if you find out your wife is cheating

  • Increase the romance in the relationship.  If you want her to be as beautiful, sexy and loyal as she was in the past, then you need to be as charming, good looking and romantic as ever.  So, get your act together.   If she has started looking extremely good for her new found love, join her.  Start looking good for her.  Try to win her all over again.  Take her out for romantic dinners and make love to her the way she needs.  Try everything possible to bring back joy into her heart.
  • You can find out who she is cheating on you with.   Not to pick up quarrels but to know the person’s carriage and why she has chosen to be with him rather than you. Prove to her that her new friend is an absolute nothing as compared to you.  Become the friend’s friend.  Treat him well; be the bigger man.  Then slowly give her more than she gets from the friend.  Be it attention, love, understanding, romance, shopping or sex.  Prove it to her that you are the best choice she ever made. On the other hand, if you find out that she and her new friend are really in love, you have the option to confront her and let her go.
  • Sometimes the best thing you can do is to confront her. If you can’t condone your doubts anymore, confront her. But don’t do it in an accusing manner.   Make sure that you have mustered all the love that you have in your heart, look into her eyes and ask her.  If she still cares about you, she will get uncomfortable.  She may even pick a fight and walk out on you. Give her the time that she needs.  Once she calms down, give her a chance to come to you and confess.  When she does, ask her what her intentions are.  Remind her that you love her like no one ever loved anyone.  Tell her that she means the world to you and that your marriage is very important to you.  If she still chooses the other man over you, then let her go.  It means that she finally found the man of her dreams.  This might sound unbelievable but some women actually found the men of their dreams after their marriage to some other people.   And some men do release them to their desire.  If going with the other guy makes her happy, let her go but if she does not, make her love you again and become faithful to you.

How married men contribute to their wives’ infidelity

  • Before a married woman starts cheating on her husband emotionally or sexually, something might have gone wrong between her and her husband.
  • Here are some of the things that a   man can do that can push his wife into cheating.
  • Being insensitive:  A man’s insensitivity to his wife’s emotion is one of the reasons why she could prefer confiding in an outsider other than her husband.  Just as the woman does, a man should constantly be looking at his wife’s face to read her expression.   Ask her questions and know what she wants.  Just as you are your wife’s first son so also should she be your first daughter.   Watch over her like a child and make sure she opens to you whatever her problem may be.  Don’t be insensitive to her emotion.
  • Lack of material needs: It could be money or clothes.  When a man is so careless that he does not take care of his wife’s financial and material needs, there is every tendency she would cheat on you if she finds someone else that can provide for her needs.  As a married man, can you remember when last you bought your wife clothes? Or even give her money to make her hair?  These things push some women into indulging in infidelity.
  • Lack of good sex: They said that to get to man’s heart, you must go through his stomach.  Have you ever asked yourself, which route then gets to a woman’s heart? The route to a woman’s heart is her vagina.  There is  no woman you would make love to in a  passionate way, help her reach her orgasm that would not want to  stick to you.
  • Some men are so insensitive that they only satisfy themselves leaving the woman yearning for true sexual satisfaction.  And once a woman finds someone else outside the marriage that gives her what she wants in that respect, you see her indulging in sexual infidelity.            As a husband, you should be sensitive to your wife  emotionally, financially, materially, and sexually.  Leave no stone unturned if you must keep her happy to yourself alone.

How to overcome infidelity

When you or your partner had been involved in infidelity and you both have resolved to put your past behind and move on again, there are things that can be done to overcome infidelity.

  • The first thing you must do when dealing with infidelity is to ensure that your partner ends all contact with the person he was cheating on you with. This means there should be no calls, no contact, no facebook notes, text messages etc.
  • Do not, whatever you do, try to carry on as though nothing has happened.  Do not pretend.  Yes, it has happened, grief the moment and then think of a way to overcome it.
  • Talk to your partner about the affair.  Why did he or she do it? What was missing in your relationship that she was looking for? What did he or she gain from cheating if any?
  • Do not apportion blames but critically evaluate things in your relationship and fix whatever that might have pushed your partner into cheating.
  • Begin to rebuild the trust that was broken when your partner cheated.  One of those ways is to insist that he allows you to pry a bit into whatever he is doing.  Accounting for his actions until you feel secured is one of the ways to gain back the trust.
  • Don’t take it out on the person your partner cheated on you with. While it is natural to be angry with the person your partner cheated on you with,  note that that person was not the one who broke your trust.
  • Allow yourself to be open with your partner about your feelings of what has happened.  It may feel uncomfortable but be honest to yourself.
  • Start slowly to rebuild your relationship and sex life, seeking the love and passion you once had.   Go to dinner together, see movies, romance each other and talk passionately again.
  • Don’t expect to get over this so easily, infidelity hurts terribly, so allow yourself to grieve that loss of trust and be patient with your feelings.
  • Do everything within your knowledge to make your partner trust you again after being involved in infidelity.  Pray not to fall into such temptation again as you rely on God to restore peace in your home. Shalom!

 

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