As he walked into the living room that fateful night, he was not his usual self. He was so quiet and unhappy that he could not even return my hug nor respond to the children’s greetings. “This is not my husband,” I said to myself. Something is wrong. I can read my husband through his action. I can tell when he is happy and when he is not. He was so depressed that I had to follow him straight to the bed room.
“Daddy what is wrong?” I asked him. “Did you encounter any problem? Please talk to me; I don’t like the look on your face.”
“Margret, sit down,” he said to me. My heart skipped some beats when he called me by my name. Ever since I accepted his proposal to marry him twelve years ago, he never called me by my name. I knew definitely something was wrong but I could not pinpoint anything. He was happy before he left the house for the programme his office colleague invited him to.
“Daddy please speak to me,” I said to him in anxiety. “I’ve never seen you this way before. What is the problem?”
“I know you have gone through a lot for me in this marriage,” he said in tears. I am sorry for all the pains and trauma I have caused you in the past. But please you have to return the children to their father.”
“Which father? Are you not their father? What do you mean? I don’t understand.”
“Don’t make this harder for me. You know what I mean. I have repented finally and I want to correct some mistakes. I will meet my lawyer and re-write my will. I have accepted my fate and I want to live in truth in order to avert the scourging fire of hell. I have taken my decision and that is final.”
“You can’t do this to me. What did you hear at the programme? This is impossible. I can’t believe you are saying this to me.”
“You better believe now. I can’t go back on my decision. I’m ready for any consequence as far as I live in truth.” He left our bedroom for the guest room and locked up himself. I tried knocking at the door for him to open so we can discuss amicably on what had come over him but he did not open instead he told me to start by going back to Calabar.
Go back to Calabar and do what? I stood at the guest room door pleading but he did not respond again neither did he open the door.
Back in our bedroom, I started crying as I never imagined my husband would ever conceive a thing like that let alone voicing it out.
What could have happened to my husband? What kind of word did he hear that is trying to break my home? What do I do? Could he be serious or just to make a mess out of me? But he has never joked with a thing like that before.
I decided to put off the issue till the next day at least when he is calm. But nothing actually changed. In fact, he was more serious than before. He did not even take his breakfast as he left the house before anyone else.
I could not go anywhere that day as I was not in a good frame of mind to do anything.
If I had known that this would ever happen, I would have left this marriage earlier before now. Why me? Why didn’t I pack my bags and leave on my wedding night?
Oh! I so much anticipated the best on my wedding night as I was full of joy to be married to the man after my heart.
Even when the minister that officiated over our wedding was joining our hands for the exchange of rings, shivers were running down my spine as I imagined the kissing, touching and every other thing that would happen between us in the night. I was so much in love with him that I was ready to give it to him however he wanted it for enduring till that day.
He too was so eager to have me that night as he dragged me to the bathroom for us to bath together for the first time. I did not hesitate to follow him as we were both desiring the same thing.
As expected, he carried me from the bathroom straight to the bedroom as both rooms were just divided by a connecting door.
I was ready for whatever he wanted to do with me; after all he was my husband. But after all the fore-play that night, he was not forth connecting. His stuff only raised its head for a few seconds and died down again. After several attempts, nothing happened. He was looking at me as I was also looking at him. All of a sudden, the joy and happiness we were anticipating to derive from each other eluded us.
He held me close to himself and was pleading that the condition could be out of stress undergone that day. I had no choice than to accept that it was out of stress.
I went into deep thinking as all I expected to experience on my wedding night only turned to be a mirage. I felt like crying but I just had to encourage myself that everything would be fine. He had to pet me to sleep when he saw the expression on my face.
Around 4am the next morning when I felt he has slept and rested very well, I made another attempt for him to make me feel like a woman but his stuff was as soft as vegetable.
We continued making effort for two weeks after our wedding yet he was unable to make me feel like a woman. I could not believe such was happening to me but it was actually a reality that my husband cannot make love to me. I was not happy at all even though I have been abstaining from such before my wedding but never desired to continue after I am married!
I needed to feel like a woman by my husband but he could not fulfill his obligation as a man. I couldn’t open up to anyone; not even our pastor as he kept on assuring me he would come around soon.
Two months after we have tried everything within our wisdom to unravel the problem, I insisted that we see a doctor. He agreed and we both went to see a doctor.
After several medical tests, the doctor couldn’t in a simple term tell us what the problem was but gave us some drugs and told us that all would be well. He also told me to help him gain back his confidence as fear of failing in each attempt contributes to the problem.
We left the hospital for our house as I was entertaining hope that after the treatment he would at least quench my hunger of him. But that was not to be as nothing changed even after six months.
When I couldn’t endure it anymore, I told him I was quitting the marriage but he refused. He was begging me to stay back that his life would be worthless without me. He would always remind me my wedding promises – for better and for worse. He told me that it was a trying time for us.
One day, he came back from work and met me crying in the kitchen. I didn’t even know when he walked into the kitchen. When I saw him, I quickly wiped my tears and greeted him.
He was so uncomfortable and almost in tears as he drew me closer to himself. “What is it again? I have tried everything possible but I can’t understand why I can’t make you feel like a woman. Just tell me what else you think I should do? I’m not happy this is happening to me. Just tell me why you are crying. I can do anything just to make sure you are happy.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to blame you over what is happening to us. I was just imaging that if all our wishes had been the way we expected, we would have given birth to our first baby by now. I so much desire to be pregnant but it is not possible in our present condition.”
“If being pregnant will make you stay with me and be happy, you will be pregnant.”
“How?” I asked so inquisitively. He held my hand and took me to the bedroom. When we were both seated he looked into my eyes and said: “I’ m giving you freedom to sleep with another man and be pregnant for me.”
“God forbid! I can’t do that. Don’t be ridiculous. How could you suggest such a thing? It is adultery; I can’t do that.”
“I am the one telling you to do it for us, you are not doing it behind my back. So don’t think that way. I love you and I want you to be pregnant and be happy no matter what it costs me.”
“I cannot do it. Let’s forget about it.”
Three days after his unconceivable suggestion, I saw a suicide note in our bedroom. I raised alarm and went to call our gateman as we started looking for him all over the house.
We later found him in the bathroom battling to give up the ghost. I was begging him not to die that I was ready to do anything for him to be happy. The gateman helped me and we took him to the hospital where the chemical he had taken was flushed out.
After he recovered properly, he suggested that I should remove my wedding ring, relocate to far away Calabar where nobody knew me, rent an apartment and pretend to be a spinster until I am able to get someone to make me pregnant. I couldn’t believe my legally married husband making such suggestion. But I had to play by the rule since I had already promised to do anything as far as he lived.
I relocated to Calabar and did as we both planned. There I bore another name entirely and never gave out my true identity.
Five months later, I noticed I was pregnant and then relocated back to join my husband. He was so happy that he had to personally take me to the hospital to register for ante-natal.
As God may have it, the pregnancy resulted to twins, a boy and a girl. My husband and I were so happy that we could not hide our joy.
Ever since then, this has remained secret between the both of us till he came back home recently from a program asking me to take them back to their father. He was so serious that he was ready to tell the children to their face that he was not their biological father. He has told me to tell them the truth and unite them back with their real father.
Where will I start from? I only had a one night stand with their father and that was all. I cannot trace back the man and cannot face my children to tell them this. What do I do? Please help me. I’m so confused that I don’t even know what I am thinking anymore. Should I tell the children the truth? Or should I tell his people what is happening?
If I should tell the children, they would be so devastated and ashamed. They would demand that I take them to their real father. Where will I get him from? I never knew his real identity then as it was not needed according to my plan with my husband.
If I should tell his people the truth about the true paternity of the children, they may just throw us out of the house not minding their son got me into this. What will be their reaction if I should tell them? Will they compound the issue or solve it?
My husband has insisted I must return them to their real father as he was no longer comfortable habouring another man’s children. What do I do? How do I handle this situation? Every attempt I had made to make my husband re-think has proved abortive. He is ready to live his remaining life as a childless man.
Please help me with your advice on how to unravel this problem without losing my marriage or my children. How do I get out of this? Please help me.
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