Friday , 25 November 2022


Improper broadcast: Here, the woman makes sure she tells everyone she has hooked the guy so as to chase every other woman away from him.  She does not do this out of being proud of him but out of desperation to keep him to herself alone.  She tries to physically know everybody close to the guy so as to be in a better edge to report him in case he starts misbehaving.

I am not saying you shouldn’t showcase your man but wait for him to start it first.  Let him be the first to broadcast you to his friends, that way you are valued.  At this point, even as you are trying to be moderate, don’t indulge in secret relationship.

False proclamation:  This is closely related to the one above but slightly different.  Here, the woman in her desperation announces to everyone that she is engaged to the man even when he has not asked her to be his girlfriend.  Some women use this trick to drag the men over to themselves and dissuade other women from coming close to their men. But most times this tactic does not work.

Being over submissive:  Two things usually happen to over submissive women.  It is either they end up being alone for the rest of their lives or end up in an abusive relationship. When you become over submissive and agree to every desire or request of a man in order not to lose him even when it is not convenient, you are showing symptoms of desperation to have him. When a man pushes you to the wall and you remain there without reacting, you are desperate to keep him and that is real bad signal that he is going to take you for granted and abuses you. Always watch your attitude and react when it is necessary to avoid being abused.

Being very clingy:  When a woman becomes clingy over her man, she does not give any space for anything to interfere.  She is seen everywhere the man is.  She follows him bumper to bumper.  She does not give any space, sometimes in a suffocating manner.  When a woman acts this way either consciously or unconsciously, she is desperate.

Setting a trap: Most desperate ladies use pregnancy to trap their men.  Some do this even when they know their partners are not ready for such.  Remember, when a   man marries you because you are pregnant and not out of true love, there are consequences afterwards.  Do not out of desperation trap a man who does not desire to marry you with pregnancy.  You won’t like his actions thereafter.

Not considering culture and religion: I am practically not against marriages between people of different cultural background.  In fact, it encourages cultural integration but you should watch it if you are not being desperate just to settle down.

Religion is another factor that should be considered in choosing a life partner.  This is because so many people especially woman out of desperation and weary of waiting have settled for partners of different religion.  In the beginning, nothing would be detected as wrong because of the euphoria of love but as time goes on, things would naturally unfold that may not be palatable.  I can vividly remember an experience of one Christian lady who was thirty six years when I was serving.  Out of desperation and weary of waiting decided to marry a Muslim brother who came her way.

After the wedding, the brother told her she must totally convert to his own faith and way of dressing which became difficult for the sister along the line even though that was not their initial agreement. At a point, she started seeking for divorce even when the marriage was barely five months old when she could not continue.   My intention here is not to discourage intending couples of opposite religion but to open you up to some facts based on the choices we make.

It is not only about people of opposite religion.  This confusion can also occur among Christians of different denomination.  There was this lady who was a Pentecostal before she got married.  Then, she promised her husband who was a Catholic that church would not be an issue. That she would convert and become a catholic so long the marriage pushes through. Actually they wedded in Catholic Church but along the line she could not cope with the style of worship.  This became a problem between her and   her husband after they had two kids.  She later demanded for a divorce as her husband was no longer comfortable with her going back to her formal church.  At  a   time when the heat became too much and the friction in the  house became unbearable, the man left her to go back to her formal church to continue  to worship in order to avoid divorce as he remained in catholic church.

Each time this lady goes to that her own church; she takes her little kids along with her.  You can guess which faith would be deposited in those kids.  Even though that was not their initial arrangement but those are things one can meet along the line when one’s decision is not properly analyzed before action is taken or when an action is taken out of desperation.

Acts of desperation in men in search of life partners

Not only women are desperate when it comes to this marriage issue.  Even men at some points show desperation when searching for life partners.

Some acts that show desperation in men include:

Liking virtually every woman at first sight:  Every established relationship started from attraction of a kind but when desperation sets in, it will seem as every woman around him is desirable even when she is not.   Whenever you see such a man, he is in the lookout for the lucky woman. When he is in any occasion or gathering, he is constantly looking around to catch the glimpse of an appealing woman.  But care must be taken here in order not to choose wrongly.

Constantly fishing for compliments: Everybody likes compliments and appreciation but desperate men fish for compliments by all means.  Some of them at this point have low self-esteem or poor self-image and need to constantly hear how great they are especially from women.  It is an unconscious attitude usually surfacing during desperation moments.

Overly calling/emailing or texting: Though communication is a great factor that keeps any relationship going but desperate men over do it to suffocating.  Calling up to twenty times in a day is even small as far as they are concerned.  For them, there is no particular time to call; they do it almost all the time.  Sometimes, this leaves their women uncomfortable and sometimes some women like that too, it all depends.  But then, whatever you do, do it moderately.

Being always available:  This is also noticed on some desperate men at a given time.  Being always available at every beck and call of a woman makes her think you don’t have a life of your own and this can reduce your value, making you undesirable.  Being a positive challenge to a woman makes you more valuable and desirable.

Being too fast in relationship:  Some men out of desperation move so fast in relationship.  Within two days they met you, they would start demanding too many things including sex.  Within few days, they have told you so many information that were supposed to be dished out gradually on the course of the relationship. They can sometimes force intimacy that is yet to develop, thereby making their women grow weary of them too quickly. This shows desperation even if it is done unconsciously.

How to handle desperation in search of a life partner

The first step is to be sure and clear that you are meant for marriage vocation.  If you have been desiring and making efforts for long to get married yet  there has not been a head way, then it is time to ask God the appropriate vocation he created you for so as to avoid misplaced vocation. In Jeremiah 1: 5, the word of God says “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you…. Also in Ephesians 2:10, the Bible says “For we are God’s workmanship,  created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. You must pray fervently to find out the mind of God concerning you and what vocation he has created you for.

Believe and remind God of his words:  In Isaiah 34:16, the Bible says “seek and read from the book of the Lord, not one of these shall be missing, none shall be without her mate.  For the mouth of the Lord has commanded, and his spirit has gathered them.”   God has promised that you shall not be without a mate.  Remember, heaven and earth can pass away but not his words( Matthew 5:18).

Abandon your will to God:  Let God know through your actions that without him you can do nothing (John 15:5).  He is a jealous God that desires to take total control of your life not just some parts. So abandon yourself to him and make your requests with thanksgiving (Philippians 4:6).

Stop counting your age: Always believe God can do all things (Mark 10:27).  Believe that whatever he can start in your life he can finish it (Philippians 1:6). Remove fear and the inner thoughts telling you that you are approaching menopause. Remember his words in Heb. 7:25 that he who has promised is able to make it come to pass.

Relax your mind and get busy:  Never compare yourself with your friends who are married.  You are created and born for a unique purpose that is different from theirs.  You are special in the eyes of God (Zachariah 2:8). So keep trusting him no matter what.

Keep praying and believing God.  Be positive about yourself.  Once you stop believing in yourself nobody will believe in you.

At some points, you can make some adjustments to what you want in a life partner.  Remember, when the undesirable becomes the available, the available becomes desirable.   It is important to know that you may not get exactly what you desire in a life partner but at least some thing close, focusing more on the intrinsic qualities.

And for some ladies who desire a particular kind of partner that never comes their way, they should think twice.  It is good to have great faith and desire for oneself but sometimes we should be realistic.  Women according to God’s plan in Sirach 36:21 as quoted in previous edition where this discussion started, a woman does not search but take among the men that come for her.  A wise woman should know that her husband is among those who come seeking for her hand in marriage and not her holding a list of the kind of man she wants and then desperately searching for him, thereby discarding people that come her way.

Dot not be desperate over anything concerning marriage so as to avoid regrets later in life.



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