Friday , 25 November 2022


There comes a time in a person’s life when everything seems to be on hold.  It would just seem as if the more you expect something to happen, the more it becomes farther and unachievable.  At this point, you are left with nothing  but a thought of a way out to achieve your desire.

Every waiting moment has a desperate tendency; so it is with waiting or searching for a life partner.  But then to what extent can you wait?  To what extent can you wait for that your desire to come without growing desperate?

Waiting or searching for a life partner is in no way an easy thing.  This is because human beings are not like every other commodity one can easily find on shelves in stores around.  Human beings are special creatures with distinct uniqueness.  And for you to truly have peace, you must find the one or wait to be found by the one that matches you.  But then for how long must one wait?

It gets to a point when some people become so desperate that they could go to any extent to grab who they could consider as their own.   Some people could go an extra mile that leave one wonder why all this desperation in search of a life partner?

I am of the opinion that whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well.  But when desperation sets in, in your desire to achieve a thing, there is bound to be a problem.

Between a man and a woman who searcheth and who waiteth? The bible says in Proverbs 18: 22 that “he who finds a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from the Lord.”  Here God himself gave man the privilege of finding that is, searching for a life partner.

But for women, the bible says “a woman has to take any man as a husband… Sirach 36:21. This invariably means, the woman should wait and then take when the man comes her way.   The women according to God’s own plan were not meant to search but wait to be found.  This waiting process coupled with the fact that the women’s time passes faster unlike the men folk add to their desperation tendency.

This notwithstanding, men and women experience desperation at some points when searching or waiting for life partners. This is not to say that everybody desiring a life partner with all seriousness is desperate.  No! Searching and waiting would be interchangeably used in this write-up.

Before stating the tips on how to handle desperation in search of a life partner, it will be necessary to first describe acts by women and men alike that show desperation either consciously or unconsciously. Desiring to settle down or to have a life partner with all seriousness should not be misunderstood with desperation here.  By desperation, I mean some acts or tendencies expressed by some people that are not favourable and may lead to doom if not checked in the search of a life partner.  To really explain what I mean, I will list some acts by some people that show desperation tendencies.

 Acts of Desperation in women in search of life partners.

Agreeing to things they’d vowed never to do:  When you agree to do things that you have vowed never to do in a relationship especially when it is negative is a sign of desperation.  Take for instance, you may have vowed never to give your body to anybody who is not legally married to you but once you start considering the option in serious terms in order to keep a   man, you are desperate.  When a woman is desperate, she sometimes becomes unreasonable.  At this point, such a woman can even quit her job and delete some good friends that can give her good advice just to keep the man.  Most times she would not even realize she was desperate but mistook it as an act of trying to keep her man.  If such acts are not checked, they could lead you to regrets if in the end you settle down with such mindset.

It will interest you to know that such acts may not actually help you keep but loose the man.  Some men in actually sense do not like women who agree to whatever they want.  So watch it and check whether you have been unconsciously desperate over your desire to keep the man.

Buying him expensive stuffs: It is perfectly okay when you give gift items to the man you cherish.  This is because true love expresses itself in giving. But when you do that in excess or when it is totally inconvenient for you or your man does not even need such, you are struggling to keep such a man and that is a sign of being desperate.  You just have to watch such acts especially when the man has not opened his mouth to ask you to marry him.  You may be doing this innocently but the man may understand it that you are desperate.

It is somehow when a lady offers to pay a man’s house rent when there is no commitment in such relationship.  He may just be pretending to love you but has his mind fixed somewhere else.

Always available:  Remember the saying that states too much familiarity breeds contempt.  As human beings, when something becomes so available to us, we give it less attention.  Don’t make yourself too available to a man who is yet to marry you. Create a niche and respect for yourself.  It is annoying when someone you call your man calls you up for an outing  set for 7pm when it is already  6:45pm without a tangible excuse all because you are always available.   And you would just shout “oh just come and pick me, I will be ready in ten minutes.” He may not even care to know whether you have something personal to do but because you always make yourself available all the time, he won’t give you that respect.   Tending to be always available at every point of call even when it is not convenient is a sign of desperation and such actions may actually delay him from proposing.  Hear what Michelle Hammond said: The more available you make yourself, the further away your wedding day will be. If you are available each time he needs you, there will be no haste in him to have you permanent. This is not to say you shouldn’t give time and attention to your partner but don’t overdo it in such a way that shows desperation or drag back his intention over you.

To be continued…

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