Wednesday , 22 March 2023


At some points in life, you need good friends you can call on at the time of need.  In fact, some friends can be closer and more reliable than siblings.  With such friends, you are free to discuss virtually everything even your deepest secrets.

For some people, once they get new friends they discard the old ones.  For some, even as they make new friends, they still prefer their old friends and keep fanning the flame.

Whether you keep only the new friends or old ones they all have significant influence  either positively or negatively in your life   and in extension, your marriage.

Something happened recently in my neigbourhood that cropped up this discussion.  Two ladies who were friends since their secondary school days just  turned worst of enemies out of what I could term  jealousy.

One of the ladies Jane, was the one married to Raphael. But Chioma who happened to be their best family friend  was still single.

It happened that six months after Jane’s wedding, she was unable to conceive and that made her apprehensive as her husband was an only son.  She quickly confided in her friend Chioma who promised to take her to where her problem would be solved.

There she was given three big bottles of dark substance to be taking twice daily with the promise that she would conceive as soon as what was obstructing her conception flushes out. She entertained hope and was full of joy as she left the place with her darling friend.

Chioma whose second home was Jane’s house was always there to make sure Jane takes the concoction.  She would   encourage her that just in a short while her problem would be a thing of the past as far as she continued taking the concoction.

One of the side effects of the concoction was constant bleeding.  Jane was bleeding and was unable to discharge her sexual responsibility to her husband who was unaware of what she was taking.  Jane complained to her friend that she wanted to stop taking the concoction so that the bleeding could stop for her to resume her sexual obligation to her husband to avert his desire to seek sexual pleasure outside the home.

But Chioma urged her to continue as whatever that was blocking her conception would soon be flushed out and that if she should stop, her barrenness would continue.

Within this period, Raphael was so desirous of sex and Chioma who knew about this situation ceased the opportunity and seduced him.

Remember, our emotions are unschooled and as such he fell into the trap Chioma set for him.

As I am writing this piece, Chioma is heavily pregnant for her best friend’s husband even as she vows moving in with them as soon as she puts to bed. Confusion was let loose in the house but it was already too late to re-write the wrong.  The deed has been done.

You might think both Jane and her husband are fools to have fallen cheap for such trap but they are not.  Such is the power of influence.  Anybody can be trapped that way by a trusted friend who is bent on using circumstance against  one.  And that is why you must be careful of who you call your friend after your wedding.

I am not here to disintegrate your friendship and never said all single friends are deceptive but just to let you know that not all your single friends are happy over your marriage.

And so, you should create a boundary before someone else creates a boundary for you.  Not all your friends before marriage are still worth keeping as friends after you are married.  Watch it and know when you are confiding in a wrong friend who presents herself as your best.

How to know your friend is jealous of your marriage

  • How to know your friend is jealous of your marriage
  • She would never encourage you to obey your husband and be submissive rather she would make you believe your husband is too authoritative.
  • Always insist you should hide some certain things from your husband.
  • Secretly visiting when your husband is not in, to invite you somewhere.
  • Constantly encouraging you not to abandon your formal way of dressing and doing things just because you are married.
  • If your husband is short, she would always discuss never would she marry a short man even when she is wishing to take yours from you if you let her. Her intention here is just to make you feel uncomfortable and regret over your choice of life partner.
  • Whatever that would bring rivalry between you and your husband, she would encourage it. Most times, these things are done unconsciously, but you won’t know as you try to buy the ideas, thereby destroying your marriage unconsciously.

How to wedge off  friends influence in your marriage

  • Restrict your single friends’ constant visit in your home after you are married.  Always claim not to be in the house if need be.
  • You can change your phone lines if necessary at least to wedge off distractions that could be destructive.
  • Be selective of what you discuss with them.
  • Have the power to resist negative suggestions.
  • In your character, dress and approach, let there be difference that you are now a married woman, that can ward off some unserious friends from you.
  • Do not hold too long discussions and do not visit eateries or fun catching places only in company   of your friends without your husband.
  • Never give your friends you do not trust your husband’s phone number no matter how good they pretend to be.
  • Be careful of the kind of friends you introduce to your husband.

How to detect friends worth keeping

  • They are supportive and are interested in what makes you a  better person.
  • Ready to sacrifice in the time of need.
  • They dissuade you from making wrong decision or taking wrong action.
  • They are ready to tell you the  truth in a  situation without painting  it.
  • They don’t encourage you when you are totally wrong but tell you to your face.
  • They always desire you to succeed in any good thing you have chosen to do including marriage.
  • They do  not make you feel inadequate or ashamed of yourself when you are with them.
  • They add positive values to you and also encourage you to imbibe good virtues.

As a married  woman with the desire to succeed in marriage vocation, you should not allow people force themselves on you to be your friend.  And if you unfortunately get entangled with any bad friend, do not hesitate to distance yourself before you are influenced negatively.

Select who to associate with as friends putting into consideration the virtues they portray.  Remember we adopt peoples’ attitude whether positive or negative most times unconsciously as far as we communicate or have contact with them.  So be careful of the kind of friends you keep because there is every tendency you can be influenced by them.

If you are desirous of making the best out of your marriage, there are role model marriages you can learn from.  Although no two marriages are exactly the same or without trials, but there are ones that are worth emulating.  Look out for long standing peaceful marriages around you and ask how they made it thus far. You can also make

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