By Fidelia Asogwa
Some women usually ask the question and wonder what they should do to win the hearts of their husbands. They sometimes find it difficult to understand how best to get into their husbands’ heart.
First, what you need to know is to understand a man’s communication code. Once he is focused on a subject, it is hard for him to pull himself away. Men love their caves. Their withdrawal into silence isn’t meant to offend or resist any intervention but is simply a man’s way of dealing with the circumstances or stresses around him. He may pull into the silent zone for a few days if making an important decision. Don’t fear when he goes into his cave- he is thinking.
If a woman wants a man to value, desire and adore her, she has to get him to think about her. In order to capture a man’s heart, you have to get into the heart of his mind. The more you get him to think about you positively, the deeper his feelings will become to you. Once you get into the heart of his mind, you will never have to worry about him sharing his love with another woman.
The heart of the man is his spirit, the real him, his inner nature or inner being. His spirit is the source from which his character and qualities are derived and the place wherein he communicates with God. The spirit of a man is his sanctuary. This is where a woman ultimately wants to be. In the warmth of his spirit is where she can rest in peace, comfort and safety as well as understand who he really is and what he will and won’t do. Merging of the spirit being is how the two actually become one body and soul. When a woman has become one with a man in spirit, she no longer has to worry if she can trust him because the two hearts communicate and understand in a way that cannot be explained.
In order for a woman to completely win a man’s heart, she has to become the only one he thinks of and become one with him in spirit. In this way, she will be the only thing in his heart that matters.
Here are some words you can use to bring your husband’s heart towards you:
I trust you: No greater words can be spoken to a man than these three words. You must trust him to make the right decision even when you think he should ask for your opinion. Always use the words that would make your opinion count in his decision making.
I love you: A well placed “I love you” brightens the heart of your husband and makes him feel secured in your love. It is not just saying ‘I love you’ but expressing it through your action all the time by fixing his favourite meals, listening to him, caring for him, speaking nice words to him, calming him down when he is angry or just simply being there beside him.
I believe you: Sometimes men find it difficult to speak in the language of women. In this way, interpretations and descriptions get jumbled up into a mirage of words difficult to understand by the opposite sex. But for the fact that winning him over is the key to a long-lasting love, you must learn to believe his words. Let him know the importance of his sincerity to you and how it can help you to believe in him so he would be convinced to always tell you the truth. When he is sincere, tell him you believe him because your not believing his words makes him feel he can never please you.
Ways through which you can get into a man’s heart:
Deep and sincere conversation: You can only get to understand someone through deep and constant conversation. If someone has never spoken to you before, there is no way you could know how that person thinks. To understand and win the heart of your husband, you must always engage him in positive conversation so you can detect how he thinks, reasons, feels and also know how he would want to be treated. Make your conversation with him fun, entertaining and as well as educative. But be sure he does not see or take you for a talkative.
Creating a little absence: It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If a man is not giving you access to his mind, you have to limit access to your presence with him. I am not talking about playing game behind his back. This is about determining your position in his heart. It is useless wasting time with someone who does not have you in his mind.
If he is not already talking about future with you assuming you people are not already married, he may be simply waiting to move on or waiting until someone better comes along.
Give him time and space to think about how life would be without you. This will also give you time to think about how life would be without him. If you come to the conclusion that you could live better without him, he may be someone you really like or even believe that you love but he is not the one your heart yearns for. If giving him space doesn’t drive him to try to be closer to you, then he has already concluded that he could live without you.
The bottom line of getting into a man’s mind is getting him to not only think about you but to talk positively about you and defend you even in your absence.
Fill a gap for him: As a wife, you should make yourself valuable and useful to your husband in such a way that would make him feel the difference compared to when he was a bachelor. Fill the gap by helping him to do those things that he was unable to or found difficult to do while a bachelor. Take for instance, if your husband was the type that found it difficult to squeeze out time to clean the house or wash his clothes, now that you are available, you should fill the gap and do those things. Whatever you know you can do to help solve a problem no matter how little, do it for him to earn his love and as well get into his heart.
Be supportive: This could come in form of material, financial or emotional support. If you find out your husband needs financial help and you have, it is advisable for you to support him. Don’t be stingy towards your husband or feel it is not proper to help him out financially. Even if he did not ask you and you know he needs it, just offer him. Remember that his ego may not allow him ask for such help even when he needs it dearly. Sometimes to protect his ego you have to appeal to him to accept your help especially if he is the kind of man that feels inadequate getting financial help from a woman. Be an all round support to your husband so he could be happy and proud to have you as his wife.
Be concerned about his family: As a wife, you are to be a unifying factor in your husband’s family instead of been the opposite. Some women are quick to hate or speak negatively of some members of their husbands’ family. As a principled woman, you should not do that. Let your husband know that you have his family at heart by supporting and praying for his sisters and brothers rather than encouraging your husband to be an Island. You can earn your husband’s love by expressing the fact that you care for his family.
Be obedient and submissive: No man wants a woman who will be struggling over the supremacy of power in his home. He wants you to obey him first. He wants to be the man of the house. Even though arguments are inevitable in a marriage, but then don’t make him feel as if he can’t control you. Be firm and courageous to state your opinion but you have to make him understand the reason behind your opinion so as not to be misunderstood.
Don’t let him leave on empty stomach: As a bachelor, he may have been leaving the house severally on an empty stomach because there was no time to cook before leaving the house. Now that you are there, it should not be the same. You should rise early and prepare something for him to eat before leaving the house. If possible, dish some into a flask to be carried to his office so he would not need to go to any restaurant for lunch. Always make food available so he does not need to stay hungry or starve as when he was a bachelor. It is important to always prepare his favourite so he could enjoy the meal very well.
Place him over your priorities: Do not because of your job neglect your husband or your responsibility as a wife. Let him know how important he is to you by sacrificing your time for him.
Always pray with him: Do not neglect the power of prayer in your marriage. If you make praying together a necessity in your home, there will be divine understanding between you both. Praying together releases the love in your heart for your spouse and with prayer you both can conquer any obstacle or challenge in your marriage. However you want your husband to be, keep on praying until you start seeing the manifestation of your prayer.
Men’s Top 6 Requests of their Wives:
Be his friend: The most important aspect of a marriage is friendship. When there is friendship in a marriage, any obstacle can be overcome. Every man needs a woman that can be his friend and understand him. For you to get into your husband’s heart, you must first of all be his friend. Remember that a friend is someone who tries everything possible to stand by you in both favourable and unfavourably condition. He accepts you the way you are not minding your weaknesses. As a woman, just be such a friend to your husband.
Show him respect: The need for men to be respected is so strong that when they are given ample respect, they flourish like a plant that has just been watered. When they are deprived of respect, they wilt and habour feelings of sadness and resentment. Many times women put a lot of time and effort in keeping the house clean, taking care of their children and fulfilling other duties, but because they fall short in showing their husbands respect, the husbands will shut down and not show appreciation for all that they have done. It is important to be sensitive towards your husband’s feeling and self ego.
Here are some ways to show respect:
Always speak with kindness and politeness, regardless of how long you have been married. Make him feel special before his family and friends.
Never shout, call him names or use profane words at him.
Don’t be sarcastic with sensitive issues. Be careful how you crack jokes with his weaknesses so you don’t hurt him inside.
Listen to his opinion and honour his requests.
Don’t show power struggle with him.