By Fidelia Asogwa
CONT’D FROM LAST EDITION
- Give your marriage a priority: To rekindle the flame of love in your marriage, you must give it a priority. What do I mean by that? I mean you must give it adequate attention and place it high in your scale of preference. You should not place it at the base. For instance, as a wife, after your God, your next important priority should be the success of your marriage. Some people are so career minded that they prioritize their career before their marriage. Like I have always advised, as a wife, you must have something doing no matter how small. But even at that, you should not relegate the importance of your attention in your marriage to the background because of your job or career no matter how demanding your job is. Remember you are working to sustain your marriage and not the other way round. Even if you are a banker, utilize the weekends very well to fill up the gaps you might have created during the week days. Make your spouse know how committed you are in your marriage.
- Go on another honeymoon: When the love tank dries in a marriage, it is advisable for the couple to go for another honeymoon. They should take a trip far away from their home without their children. You can leave your children under the care of grannies or relatives when going for this all important love trip. Focus on each other and discuss deeply again just as it all started. Be sure you achieve a deep feeling for each other before returning back home and subsequently plan weekend get together to sustain the spark.
- Engage in passionate love making: We cannot talk about rekindling the flame of love without mentioning the importance of passionate love making. It is true that some married people see love making as a stress or burden due to the fact that they do not enjoy it. Sex is an important aspect of marriage and must be done often not occasionally. Speak out the way he/she does it that you do not like. Don’t pretend to enjoy it when you are not. Be open and always ready to learn how to do it better in order for you both to derive mutual satisfaction. Be sure that you understand each other in this respect and be selfless and not selfish.
- Always be grateful: Always be grateful and appreciate your spouse on any act of kindness or love. Appreciating him makes him do better the next time. Do not ignore the importance of ‘thank you’ in your marriage. Remember that ‘thank you’ is an application for better things to come. Always make him know how grateful you are over whatever he does for you no matter how little.
- Take care of yourself: That you are now a mother of four is not an excuse for you to totally grow out of figure. It is true that you will add more weight as a mother, but try and work on yourself so he will not feel irritated. Be clean and smell fresh for those moments you are together and always encourage eyes and body contact with your spouse.
- Be a professional spouse: Just as people strive to be professionals in their chosen life careers or endeavour, you should strive to be better husband or better wife. Go to seminars, buy books, attend gatherings where you can learn how to be a better spouse. For instance, if you have been following us on this page, you must have learnt so many things that would make you a professional and an exceptional spouse.
- Speak you spouse’s love language: For emphasis, I will repeat what I had written before on love language for you to see how understanding your partner’s love language will help rebuild your love life.
Love language according to Gary Chapman is attitudinal communication that enables you to express love to your partner or spouse in a way that she can understand and appreciate. Chapman listed these love languages as follows:
- Words of Affirmation: This is when you appreciate how your partner looks or how the meal tasted in expressive words. These words of affirmation can make her feel so special and encourage her to do better.
- Quality time: Some people believe that being together, doing things together, and focusing on one another is the best way to show that you love them. If your partner’s love language, that is the only way he feels you love her is spending quality time with her and you are doing the opposite, there is bound to be problem.
- Gifts: It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. But some people appreciate gifts than others. If your partner is the type that likes gifts a lot whether it is during birthdays, festive periods or every other time and you are not showering her with such, she may just assume or believe you do not love or care about her.
- Acts of service: This is discovering how best you can be of help to your partner in order to make him feel loved. For instance, some men love their partners to wash their clothes while some feel better washing their clothes themselves. If your partner feels loved when you wash his clothes, help him to dress and undress and you do not do that probably because you do not know, he might just feel unloved.
- Physical Touch: Sometimes just holding him, giving him peck on the check or just giving him a warm embrace could be all what he needs to feel loved.
- The gist here is that you must understand your partner’s love language if you both desire happiness in your marriage. Until you understand your partner’s love language, you may not know how to refill the love when the love tank dries.
Understand what your spouse likes and appreciates whenever you do it, then continue to do that in order to keep love flame burning. Remember that the flame does not burn out if both partners are doing their part; instead it will mature and create a love that is more safe and unbreakable. You must open all your communication channels and resolve any issue that can infringe on your love flow. Peace!