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Please Help: Should I tell her?

Please Help: Should I tell her?

Each time I take a deep reflection about my life, am left with nothing but tears.  If tears could change situations, I believe it would have changed mine.  But then it can’t. 

Why has life be so unfair to me? Why are there so many complications and confusion around my life? Could it just be fate?

As a child I never knew who my real mother was. I was only told by the woman I came to know as mum that she died the very day I came into this world.

Upon her death according to her, I was taken to the motherless babies home since my father could not handle the care of a newborn.

He agreed with the home that upon my two years of age, he would come and take me.  But that was never to be as he died in a ghastly motor accident few weeks before the completion of the two years.

I was eventually taken by my father’s paternal aunty when no foster parent came for my adoption.

She was all I grew up to know as mum. She was to me everything a mum should be to a child.

Growing up with her biological children was a fun.  She had six children all boys.  I was blessed among men; and so I was adored by all of them.

The boys pampered me so much and I was treated like a   princess.  They were all I knew as my family.

I would never have believed she was not my biological mother until the day she took me to register as a   year one student in a private secondary school.

Then I was already ten years old.  Out of inquisition, I asked her for the first time why I am Okoye Kosisochukwu and the boys bear Akubue as their surname.  It was there she told me she would tell me why when we get home.

Immediately we got home, I did not allow her to rest when I reminded her of her promise. She sat me down and told me about my parents and how I came to live with her.  She showed me two old pictures containing the image of my real parents. I wept uncontrollably upon hearing the sad story.  I couldn’t believe that was how my journey into life started.

But she consoled me and promised that she would help me get to any height I wish to get to in life as she had no any other daughter but me.

When her last son Chibuike whom I am more close to among her children came back from school that day, I told him all that mum had said.  He told me he knew but that I should never tell anyone and that I should never feel bad about it at all.  He held me close to himself and promised he would always be there for me and so I confide in him virtually in everything.

As time went on, gradually I started coping with the reality that I am an orphan and that I do not have any other family to run to except here.

I can say I was lucky to have such a woman as a mum. She made sure I am well taken care of. She provided virtually all my immediate needs.

With her attention and love, I did not find anything difficult or lacking even when I finally got admission into the university.

It was there that I met Joe who happened to be my roommate’s elder brother.  Joe was all a woman could dream for.

When Nneoma, my roommate introduced us the first time he came to our hostel, my heart escaped some beats.  His smiles alone swept me off my feet not to mention his tallness, handsomeness and dress sense.

Wow! I was practically carried the first time I set my eyes on him.  But as an African woman, I just had to keep calm at least for him to knock on the door first.

I left the both of them in the room and headed to the library to get materials for my assignment.  At the library, it just seemed as if all the books were carrying Joe’s face and smiling at me. I could not describe what was going on in my mind.

I wished I was in the room staring at his face.  But what could that be? I was never drawn to a man in such a manner before.

I forced myself to concentrate but his face and smiles kept re-occurring.  My being in the library would be of no use if I could not read or concentrate to look for the materials, so I left.

In my mind I thought he might have gone, so I went straight to my hostel to keep my bag and then go over to a friend’s room to chat at least to get his image out of my mind.  But that was not to be as I met him again in the room.  He was still there!

Immediately I opened the door, our eyes met and I drew back.  He followed me instantly and said: “I have been waiting for you.  Please come back to the room.” I followed him back to the room and sat on my bed.  As if he had discussed with his sister, Nneoma excused us immediately I sat down.

“I am sorry if am making you uncomfortable,” he said as he drew closer to me.  It’s just that I have to express myself to you. I have actually been waiting for you to come back before I leave.

“Alright,” I responded.  I hope I have not done anything wrong.”

“No not at all.  Please I don’t want you to think I am over-bearing or that it is too sudden but I can’t hide it.  I really like you. The moment I set my eyes on you, there was an unexplainable chemistry that I couldn’t describe.”

I was just looking at him as I lacked the right words to say anything back at him.  I kept quiet just staring at him as virtually every part of his body was expressing his intention.

The rest was history as I fell head on in love with romantic Joe. Nneoma was very supportive of our relationship.  Even though my click with Joe was love at first sight, she played a role in convincing me more of him.

Everything was going on well between us until one fateful Monday evening when I paid Joe a surprise visit.  He was not in any way expecting me.  Ever since we started dating, I have never visited him on a Monday and most time I do notify him before visiting.  But that day, I was stressed out in school and just decided to go over to his house to take some rest.  I had his spare key and so I opened through the back door and entered.

Guess what I saw! I saw Joe naked on top of a   motionless woman doing what could be better imagined than described.  I couldn’t believe it, but I saw it clearly; it was a corpse because the face was bound.

Could Joe be mad or what? Could he be a ritualist? He looked so innocent that you could never imagine he was into such practice.  I became terrified and ran off as I was imagining where he got the body from.

I was so confused and afraid that I was running from one traffic lane to the other until I hopped into a cab that took me straight to Chibuike’s apartment.  Not minding I was in love with Joe, Chibuike was my best friend and the only being I share my inner thought with.

When I got to his apartment, he was crying with his pillow very close to his chest on his bed. I had never seen him in such a mood as I drew close to know what was wrong.

“Stop crying and talk to me,” I said to him as I collected the pillow from him and held him tight to myself just to calm him down.

“Oh! Why me?” he said as he continued sobbing. Please Kosiso don’t allow me die; I am losing my mind. Why should this happen to me at this moment?”

I didn’t understand what he was talking about but his tears were unbearable to me.  Sweat and tears were all over his body and I was prompted to unbutton his shirt.

As I tried to rise from the bed in order to get a towel to wipe the sweat off his body, he held me back to the bed and laid his lips on mine.  I tried to break free from his grip but then he pressed me down. I couldn’t imagine what happened between Chibuike and I, but that was the first time my supposed brother made love to me.  It was incredible and unimaginable. I cried bitterly.

After the act, I was so ashamed of myself that I could not listen to why he was crying in the first place.  I ran off from his house again back to school.

I couldn’t go back to   my hostel room as I was afraid Joe might come there looking for me.  I ran over to a classmate’s room off campus to avoid any contact with Chibuike.

For the past three months now, my foster mum has been worried over my refusal to visit home on weekends as usual.  But I have kept on telling her it was due to school activities but that was not true.   How can I face her with ten weeks old pregnancy belonging to her son Chibuike?

I had thought of aborting the pregnancy but that would be a double tragedy and murder of an innocent child.

What do I do? Should I tell her of my predicament?  Won’t she think I have come to ruin her family and probably disown me? What would be her reaction?  I do not have any other family than hers.

I had also thought of pushing the pregnancy over to Joe but I can’t behold his face, let alone imagine marrying him with his complicated sexual disorder if I should tell him I was pregnant.  Even at that, my conscience could not permit me to push over another man’s baby to whom it did not belong to.

If I should tell Chibuike, he might suggest we get married. But is it possible? He is the son of my aunty! His mother who is also the woman I have come to know as my mother is my grandfather’s younger sister.  What do I do? How do I unravel these complications? Please I need your advice on what to do before I lose my mind out of depression.  Please help me with your candid advice.

Text your name, location and reactions to 07033799356 (Sms Only Please).

When you comment on these true life stories, you are directly and indirectly teaching and as well comforting a hurting soul.  Your comments are well appreciated.  Thank you.

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