Tuesday , 27 October 2020
Home » Relationships » WHAT IF HE REFUSES TO CHANGE?


It is quite easy to get caught up in matters of the heart.  By matters of the heart, one is talking about all those messy, human, unrequited love relationships which positively or negatively affect the heart.

And when you’re in the middle of it, it’s usually tough, very tough, to see things the way they are! Before you got into your present relationship or marriage, the world certainly looked like a garden full of roses!  There was no limitation to the bliss which painted the for you. ‘I am the luckiest person ever created’, you told yourself.  You inwardly thanked the Almighty God for institutionalizing marriage and relationships, for giving you your own missing rib!

Things were certainly how they should be.  And then, suddenly, bang!  You begin to notice unexpected traits in your man’s attitude and character.  You begin to see that, that loving, caring, ever-endearing man who used to lord genuine comfort all over you, is no longer the man he used to be!  Your world gradually begins to experience cracks in its wall. Who do you carry these observations to?  Where do you find the solution to this problem?  Your friend, mother or sister? Certainly, that will be foolhardiness!  So you decide:  “It’s my cup!”

And that is what it is.  Alone, and on your own, you must grab the bull by the horn! And how do you do this?


The very first thing to do is to discover and analyse those new changes which you have lately noticed in your heart-trob.

He has lately begun working a lot and coming back late.  He claims he is very busy at the office and does not have time for himself not to talk of you any more.  Even when he’s home early, he avoids going into discussions with you and avoids those jokes which had always brought smiles and laughter to your face.  Rather, he chooses to watch the television in the sitting room.  Both of you have suddenly stopped taking bath together.  Before now, none of you took his or her bath without the other. Whoever came back first would not take dinner until both of you came back home.

He used to sing you to sleep each night, or say those sweat love phrases into your ears every night before you dosed off into oblivion.

You never saw him frown.  It was actually you who used to frown each time you needed his attention.  That way, you had always been able to snatch few kisses and hugs that consolidated your love and made you the woman you truly are.

All these have gradually disappeared.  Now? Your husband comes home from work or his business many hours after he is due; sometimes, after the entire neighbourhood has gone to sleep.  You remain awake, waiting for his arrival, to be able to attend to his needs, including administering dinner, which is now always served late, because of his unusual late nights.  Each time he returns in this manner, he does not apologise to you but moves straight into the bedroom to change.  Your concerns are by all means, far from being his problem.

Prompted to eat, he usually wishes the meal away, indicating through one excuse or the other, that he would like to be left alone.

He has suddenly grown too cold to your mother, a woman he used to be very fond of. There is plutonium of observations and changes you have just noticed in your guy and you are no longer sure if that love which he professed to you at the start of the relationship, is still intact.

So, you make up your mind to change your husband for the best.  In doing, key actions must be taken:

PRAYERS: God must be your very first option.  Now that you have identified your problem, you must run to the Almighty.  Urgently! Your bold attempt to bring about an improved relationship with your man must have God at the centre.  Prayer is the key.  No known problem has survived the effect of prayers, for all power belongs to God.  If you already have and He has not touched the problem, for God’s sake, continue to ask Him.  Have faith.  You remember the story of the woman who kept pestering the courageous judge in the Holy Bible.  Did she not finally get her wish?  You must also, be courageous.

BE PART OF THE PROBLEM:  While you have thoroughly identified the areas your spouse should improve in your relationship, you, as a woman, must also look at yourself. Remember, the husband is half the team.  You make up the rest!  So you must not assume a selfish, me-first mentality.  That will be going too far to the other extreme.  Are there areas where your actions and attitudes are negatively affecting your relationship with your man?  Before now, you used to be very close.  Both of you shared virtually everything. The presence of one was the joy and happiness of  the other.  Even mere thought of him elicited joy in your mind.

His voice was happiness.  So was yours! At any time of the day, his call made your day.  Why have all these changed?  Why has he suddenly begun to avoid you?  Look at your attitudes, woman!  What were those things you did previously that endeared you to him?  Has your dressing and attires completely changed?  Have you abandoned those smart hugs and attires that made him smile each time you appeared before him?  What about your mood?  Have you suddenly become a lioness whenever there is a little problem to be solved?  In demanding for solutions to financial difficulties, have you suddenly become incorrigible and extremely difficult to handle?  Do you now place a course on him or regret your marriage to him each time he isn’t able to provide a solution to your financial problems?  Do you now insist that everything done in the house must be done the way you want it?

What about the services you render to him as a wife?  Do you go about chores at home as if they are assignments forced down your throat, frowning and complaining about how you’ve been suffering since you got married to him?  You used to put water for him to take his bath, but God forbid if you ever do it again!  To you, he no longer deserves it.  He ruined your life by deceiving you into marrying him, and you readily tell him that to his face.

His family consists of paupers and never-do-wells, you insist.  His mother is an illiterate.  None of his siblings can be compared to you.  Very often, you had told him that to his face even though it’s not true but a devilish personal opinion designed by you as a weapon to insult him whenever you wish.

Total change from all the enumerated problems will assist.  If you change, you’ll begin to experience change in your husband.  Even if he has taken another mistress because of your present hard-line, he will definitely come back.

Man is a baby.  He needs to be pampered.  He needs to be cuddled.  He cherishes those little services that women think are no longer necessary once they have been married to him.  See him as incomplete, for that is what he is.  Remember, you are his missing rib!  He’s not complete without you.  The support you daily give to him is the reason the Almighty God said you’re his missing rib.

So, be careful the way you handle him.  If he has no money; if he has changed, it’s your duty to bring him back to track!  He is your husband, and that’s who he is!  God did not allow any half measure.  God knows that every man is incomplete without a woman.  That’s why you were created, to make that man complete.

If, per chance, you fail to make your husband complete, you have offended your creator.  You have just proved to Him that his decision to create you was useless.  The simply logic is that since you have not worked hard enough to make your husband a complete man, and since God created you a woman for that purpose, God has simple wasted his time in creating you! How disappointed He will be with you!

Woman, this is the assignment before you.  That man you abuse as your husband; that man you insult even in the presence of his children might be the ONLY REASON the Almighty God could condemn you to hell.

In trying to avoid hell therefore, you must see your husband as who he is.  You must learn to be patient with him and SUPPORT him wherever he is weak or is in difficulty.  No man will not love his wife if he finds her to be one of the pillars of his life; no man.

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