Tuesday , 30 May 2023


By Fidelia Asogwa

Sometimes, people ask this question “who should be the primary person to sustain marital unity and lasting relationship?  The husband or the wife?

Different people have different answers as it appeals to them.  But then what is your own answer or view on this?  Do you think the husband should be the pivotal through which the marital success turns? Or the wife should be the main driver at the steering wheel of the marital success?

To Mr. Paul Osakwe, “The marital success of any union is entirely dependent on the woman.  She controls everything including the man.  She puts the home in order, directs the children, invests her time, strength and wisdom into her marriage.  And so she is the main driver of the marriage.  If a marriage fails, the fault is entirely the woman’s.”

Hmmm……I exclaimed after Paul stated his view.  But could it be true that if a marriage fails, the fault is entirely the woman’s?

He was so convinced in his own opinion that the success of a marriage revolves entirely around the woman.

But then the opinion of Mrs Chidimma Onuh was a bit different from that of Paul.  To her, “the success of a marriage depends on the two people involved.  The man sacrifices in his own part to sustain the marriage, and the woman does so likewise.  If two of them do not agree, there is no way the marriage can survive the storms.  This is because every marriage however blissful it may be, passes through different storms.  And it is only the people who are ready to swim through the storms that succeed in marriage.  So to sustain marriage or for marriage to succeed, everything depends on both the husband and the wife.”

To you, who do you think should be sustaining love and peace in marriage?

To our own erudite Sports Editor, Mr. Pat Muo, “The man is the main person whose marital success and sustenance lie in his hands.   First, the man is the chairman of the gathering or meeting called family or marriage.  As a chairman, he practically states the agenda of the meeting, presents them one after the other,  presides over the whole thing and then gives his final conclusion.  To me, no reasonable chairman of a meeting would allow gaps to exist or allow chaos to snowball into the meeting he is presiding over.  A good chairman puts everything in order and makes sure his subordinates understand him and do not go out of control.  He presides in such a way that at the end of every meeting, he puts everybody’s” view into consideration yet remain in charge as the chairman.  That is how I see the role of the man in his marriage.  He is the chairman of his home and so he is in charge of everything including being the main pivot through which his marital success turns.  There is no woman you would care for, love and continue to do those things that made her fall in love with you in the first place that would not be submissive to you.  And so to sustain a marriage, the man is the main person; the woman only supports, as she is naturally a helpmate to the man according to God’s own divine plan.”

Wow! I couldn’t believe this coming from a man, where large number of men believe the failure and the success of marriage lie with the woman.  His words were filled with wisdom and practical demonstration.

As a woman or man, what do you think?  Who do you think should sustain your marriage?  You or your husband?…

From the foregoing, I have been trying to state from the different views whose role is majorly required or needed to sustain a marriage.  But then there are other principles that couples should imbibe if they desire to succeed in their marital journey.

Forgive always:  The Bible says in Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry and do not sin.  Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.  No matter what may be the problem between you and your spouse, never hold grudge or malice.  Always forgive before the end of that today in which the problem happened.  Holding malice against your spouse breeds discord and resentment in marriage.  Always beg God for the grace to forgive whatever offense your spouse commits against you.  Make it as a rule to always forgive.  Do not record wrongs committed against you by your spouse.

Studying the word of God and praying together: It takes the grace of God to succeed in marital journey.  And since we cannot see God physically except through His word, couples should always study the word of God together.  They should pray together if they wish to remain together.

Base your love on God’s word: In I Corinthians 13:4-8, the word of God says, “Love suffers

Long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.”  As married couples, base your love on the above Biblical injunction.  Forgive and endure all things in marriage relying upon the grace of God.  There is no marital love based on this injunction that can ever fail.

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