By Fidelia Asogwa
It may interest you to know that there are categories of men you should not accept to marry. Not just because they are not handsome or not old enough to be married, but there are characteristics in them that may not qualify them to be that kind of husband you’ve always desired.
The desire of every couple in marriage or people intending to get married is to have a blissful and lasting relationship. But having a blissful marriage depends solely on the two people involved.
No matter how desperate you are or feel there is no more time for you, critically check the under listed men and know whether that man you are about getting married to is among the list. The intention here is not to disrupt your relationship but to help you make the right choice since marriage is a life time affair.
Mr. “Out yet in”: This man simply claims externally that it was over between him and his ex, yet in every ten words that may make up his conversation he mentions her name at least seven in his words. He still stresses her basic strengths to you as if he is comparing you both or that you should act like her. To Samantha Daniels, one of my favourite authors, this man is “Still Hung up on His Ex”. This means even though he is physically separated from his ex, he is still with her psychologically and internally. And until this is over, he cannot make that best husband you’ve always desired. If you discover your man always discusses about his ex in such a way that suggests he is not over her yet, you better find your way. You can only stay if he is ready to work on himself and make you understand that you have the qualities he needs in a woman compared to that of his ex. But if not, think twice before walking down the aisle with such a man. You may just live your life been frustrated as you may not please him no matter how good and caring you may be.
Mr. “Still with Parents”: One of the signs that the man you are dating isn’t ready for marriage yet is when he still lives with his parents without the mindset of leaving any moment. This is not to say that some men who still live with parents don’t get married but then some factors have to be considered. Factors like financial hardship resulting to inability to rent an apartment could be one of the reasons why a man may still be living with parents even at a time when desiring to get married. But if you find out that such isn’t the reason your man still lives with his parents, then you need to rethink. It could just be that he does not want to be far from his parents probably because he solely depends on them for virtually everything or because he does not want to miss mama’s dish. There is going to be a problem if you decide to marry such a man. Principled women don’t really like to marry men who are still sucking mummy’s breast by living with parents as such marriages are highly influenced by third parties. So check to know whether your man is in this category before your marital bliss turns to marital bruise.
Mr.“Me First”: This is the type of man who would call you up to attend to his needs first without even putting into consideration what your schedule for the day looks like. He makes you see him as your god. No matter how important your own schedule may be, he wants you to postpone it and attend to him first. This particular experience happened to one of my course mates when I was in third year in the university.
Her man called her to come over to Abuja where he was then. That particular weekend he wanted her to come was the same weekend one of her visiting lecturers fixed their continuous assessment test. When she told her guy about the situation, he did not accept her excuse but insisted that she must sacrifice whatever she has to do that weekend for him if truly she loves and cares about him.
And when she tried reminding him of the consequence of not participating in the test which could result to carrying over the course, he told her that it was not more than a sacrifice for one’s love and relationship. Could that really be considered as sacrifice for love or sheer selfishness? I tell you, that particular issue tore apart that relationship as the girl tried explaining to the guy the dos and don’ts of the visiting lecturer and also that failing a course could make her loose a year as she was then in her penultimate year. He never gave a damn to her pleas even though he was a graduate.
That was just his personality especially for a man who sees himself as a god. No reasonable woman wants to marry a man with such mindset and personality no matter how handsome he may be. Besides, any man who does not consider your own personal programmes and schedules before demanding your total attention does not care, value, love or have regards for you. A man who cares about you, negotiates with you and not use you as if you are his remote control.
Mr. “I don’t Joke with my looks”: This man takes his looks very seriously. He knows the names of all the body cream in the cosmetics shop as though he is a woman. He applies lotion on his skin and study the reaction to know whether it is doing his intention or not just like a woman. He robs the best of powder on his face and as well uses cleanser to clean his face at night as to maintain smoothness. He attends to his looks as though he is a model even when he is not.
This type of man usually gets a sack letter from his boss because he would always go late to work with no tangible excuse, all because he has to take care of himself. This is not to say that a man who dresses well or takes proper care of himself is in this category, but just trying to let you know that when a man becomes too conscious of himself, he may pay less attention to you or even too lazy to put food on the table. One of my former neigbours’ husband was so attentive to his skin that he applies a cream ten times more expensive on his skin compared to his wife.
The wife applies the same baby lotion that her children apply while her husband applies a different one that can maintain his skin because he is “fair” in complexion. He can use the last money meant for their meal to buy body lotion once it finishes. You should be careful when you meet such a man before hunger kills you under his roof.
Mr. “I must change her”: The intention of this man is to change you automatically to what he desires without considering whether that is what you want. Although changes are inevitable when two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together, but that kind of change that make you totally uncomfortable is not called for. Take for instance, a man who likes going to beer parlour to drink now desires to take you along with him each time without minding the fact that you don’t like that. He wants you to start taking alcohol even when you do not like it. He wants you to dress outrageously because he likes looking at women who dress that way without considering whether you like to dress that way or not. He just wants to change everything about you and bend you to his desire. Trying to marry a man who wants to change you automatically to what he wants all because your own way of life does not conform to his, is an invitation to marital disharmony.
Mr. “Anger”: Anger is the out boost of dangerous emotion capable of destroying any good relationship. Uncontrollable out boost of anger increases abusive tendencies. If the guy you are dating has an anger problem that he can easily fly off his hand either at you or others, then he is not man enough to be a husband. And when he is not ready to acknowledge he has such a problem and work on himself, you better think twice before accepting him in order not end up being victim of marital abuse.